May 30, 1984
Epilepsy is a disease often experienced also by people who have strongly conflicting beliefs about the use of power or energy, coupled with a sometimes extraordinary amount of mental and physical energy that demands it be used.
In many such cases, the individuals involved are highly intellectual, and possess obvious gifts that are, however, seldom put to full use. Such people are so frightened of the nature of personal power and energy that they short-circuit their nervous systems, blocking the ability for any purposeful action, at least momentarily.
Because they realize that they do indeed innately possess strong gifts and abilities, these people often seek attention for their disease, rather than for their abilities. They may become professional patients, favorites of their doctors because of their wit and repartee in the face of their affliction. These persons, however, again, are living at cross purposes. They are determined to express themselves and not to express themselves at the same time. Like so many others they believe that self-expression is dangerous, evil, and bound to lead to suffering – self-inflicted or otherwise.
This particular group of people are also usually possessed by an extraordinary anger: they are furious at themselves for not being able to showcase their own strength and power – but “forced” instead into a kind of behavior that appears sometimes frightening and humiliating.
Individuals who suffer from epilepsy are also often perfectionists – trying so hard to be at their best that they end up with a very uneven, jerky physical behavior.
In some instances, stuttering is a very mild example of the same kind of activity. On the one hand, some epileptic patients feel a cut above the usual run of humanity, while on the other they perform far more awkwardly than normal persons. Again, many also believe that those with special talents or gifts are disliked by others and persecuted.
This brings us into a conglomeration of beliefs unfortunately connected with romanticism.
These beliefs are centered around artists, writers, poets, musicians, actors and actresses, or others who seem unusually gifted in the arts or in various other methods of self-expression. The beliefs lead to the most dire legends, in which the gifted person always pays in one way or another for the valued gifts of self-expression – through disaster, misfortune, or death.